But God

The best way I know how to describe our circumstances right now is by saying that we feel like we were on a freight train that was going full-speed in one direction and then unexpectedly changed directions. With no warning.

The last three weeks have been spent trying to figure out which direction the train is heading now and why it had to make the unexpected change. Like stewardesses scrambling to find answers to patrons' questions, we have felt frazzled to try and make sense of it all.

I am a person who likes stability. I like to know where I will be sleeping and when I wake up in the morning, I like being able to predict what the day will be like (living in Africa has thought be to be flexible on that one, but I still like things to be predictable). Our last three weeks have been anything but stable. We have slept in 8 different beds over the course of 3 weeks. We are constantly trying to figure out what we will eat each day and if we have a fridge available to store food in or if we need to get transport to go out and get something to eat.

We continue to get news about the deteriorating state of South Sudan right now. We read articles like this and this and honestly, I start to lose hope for the country. I start to wonder why God hasn't redeemed this horrible situation. I wonder how and if it will ever get better and plead for God to protect our friends in Mundri in the meantime.

But...

My favorite verses in the Bible are verses that have "but God" statements in them. The verses that start by lamenting a (usually very serious) concern and then interrupt the concern with, "But God...". For example, Genesis 50:20- "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." And Acts 3:15- "You killed the author of life,  but God raised Him from the dead. We are witnesses of this". 

I love these verses because to me, it is a like a holy interruption. It is saying, "here is how I am really doing, it's messy, it's difficult, I don't know a way out... BUT God is good. God will help me because that is His character. He has not forgotten me." 

Here are some "but God" statements that are currently on my mind.

We are stuck in Kenya and don't know how long we will be here or if we will be able to return to South Sudan but God had been incredible faithful to provide while we have been here. He has provided generous people who have welcomed us in and given us beds to sleep in and food to eat. 

The conditions in South Sudan seem to be getting worse and worse with no end in sight, but God is there. He has not left or forsaken His people and He is continue to move and breathe life into Mundri and South Sudan.

A part of me wants to be angry at God for leading us to a place that is so unstable and difficult, but God continues to remind me over and over again that He has a purpose in all of this and His calling was not a mistake. He is redeeming this and is remaining in control over our circumstances. 

What the "but" does in these statements is remind us of truth. It gives us the time to pause and remember God's character. It also gives us space and reason to praise the Lord who is in control of all things. 

I'm grateful to serve a God who interrupts my lamenting. A God who allows me to feel deeply and fully, but then gives me reason to praise and trust in His holy name.