The In-Between

Will and I have been married for six years. So far in our marriage, our life has been separated into 2-year segments. We lived in Oxford for two years while I finished college and Will worked with the Park and Recreation Department. Then we moved to Nigeria for two years. After Nigeria, we have lived in Bloomington for two years. Due to the nature of those life events, we have had transition times between each of them. These transition times are times when we have moved out of wherever our home was for the previous stage and are living temporarily with family (and we are super grateful to have families who allows us to do this over and over again :)).

We are currently in one of those "in-between" stages. We both finished our jobs in June and have been in a period of preparation. We are living with Will's parents in Bloomington. When we moved out of the house we had been living in for the past year, we got rid of all of the furniture and large items that we owned. We also purged a large amount of what we had and narrowed everything we had down into what we want to store here in the States (which is very minimal) and what we want to take with us to Africa.
We then moved all of those items into the room we are staying in at Will's parents house. I'll tell you what, you don't think you have much stuff until you try to fit it all in one room... haha. Looking at our piles of stuff reminds me each day of this "in-between" stage that we have found ourselves in yet again. The piles are reminders that we are in the up-rooting process. What I am learning in this time, however, is that the beauty of God is that He is with us in whatever stage we find ourselves in. We do not have to be settled in order for Him to be with us or in order to have His peace. He is peace. No matter where we are on our journey, He is with us.

"You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me." Psalm 139:5

What a great God! He is not only with us, but behind and before us! Another version of this verse says, "You go before me and follow me, you place your hand of blessing on my head". Hallelujah! How beautiful is that?! God not only is already in South Sudan preparing the way for us, but He is with us now in this transition time and He will be there after we leave. This reminds me that there is great purpose in this time. Yes, I might twitch a little bit every time I look at the piles around our room, but this time is good. God is here with us and He has us in this transition for a reason. So, my prayer right now is that I will not wish this transition time away, but will look for God IN this time. I pray that I will see the purpose of this time and will allow God to meet me in the midst of the piles of stuff. I pray that I will sense God's "hand of blessing on my head" and that I will be able to steward that blessing well for the sake of the Kingdom- even if I'm in transition. 

Paradox

We just returned from our month-long training in Colorado on Saturday. Wow! It was such a busy, insightful, exciting and challenging month! The last two weeks of the training focused on cultural acquisition, conflict styles, stress, and rest, among other topics.

One of my favorite concepts that we discussed was the idea of thinking and talking in paradox. Meaning, allowing things to be equally good and hard at the same time. Typically I focus so much on the positive that I like to ignore and not even give much acknowledgement to the negative. What this does, however, is undermine the pain and force me to push it off to deal with at another time. I am learning that it is such much healthier to allow myself to feel the good and the bad at the same time. So, here are my currently paradoxical thoughts that I am dealing with...

I am so excited about the friendships that we made at MTI with incredible people going all over the world. It was extremely hard to leave those new friendships- knowing that we understood each other so well, but don't all get to live life together in the future.

We are really looking forward to applying everything that we have learned this past month to life in South Sudan. It will be really great to start ministry again and get to know a new culture. At the same time, going to a new culture means leaving an old one. We are beginning our goodbyes and long process of packing and it is very difficult. It is painful to leave our friends and families and the thought of adjusting to a new culture sounds exhausting.

Thinking in paradox is hard (for me at least) because you have to acknowledge the negative, but it is good because it causes you to be honest with how you are really doing.

That's all I have the brain capacity to come up with at the moment, but I am trying to think of more :). I know this new way of processing will bring freedom to be more honest and direct with how I am feeling. Praise the Lord for new insights!

Mission Training International

Will and I are about to begin our third week at Mission Training International (MTI) in Colorado. The first two weeks were language training and we are about to move on to two weeks of cultural training. Here are the top five things about our time here so far.

1. Colorado is beautiful! I mean, we already knew this, but man, living in the midst of mountains is breath taking! It is so gorgeous in this area! Here are some pictures of hikes we have been able to do in the area so far.

  2. Missionaries are great people. We are here with over 30 other adults (and lots of kids!) and they are really kind people. I guess you would expect missionaries to be kind, but we have been blown away by the love and compassion of the people we are here with. We are so grateful that God is sending these great people to spread His love all over the world. The people that are taking this training with us are going everywhere including the Dominican Republic, Southeast Asia, Austria, Kenya, and many other countries. There is even another couple here who is going to South Sudan! We are very grateful for the friendships we are building with people here and grateful that God is calling His people all over the world!

3.   Learning a new language can be fun and manageable. Over the past two weeks, we have been learning a method of how to learn a language.  I have to admit, learning a new language is NOT my favorite part about moving to a new country. However, after this training, I am looking forward to it a lot more and much more hopeful that it can actually be a manageable task if I am diligent and plan it out well. I’m so grateful for the new skills we learned for language learning!

4.  Pre-Field training is VERY beneficial! We are only halfway through the training and I already feel like it has been worth every penny. The staff here is extremely knowledgeable and all have a lot of experience in the mission field. This has been a great time of “filling our backpacks” with great knowledge that I know will be very beneficial on the field.

5.   God is faithful! Okay, we already knew that one too, but seriously, He is so good! We are incredible grateful for everything we are getting to experience here and know that it will lead to life-long friendships and great knowledge for our future in the mission field. We are also so grateful that we are getting very close to finishing support. We only need around $600 more per month to be fully funded! If you are interested in joining our support team, please go to http://www.whm.org/give/missionary?ID=51266. 

Perspective

Lately I have been consumed with all of the reasons that moving to Africa is difficult. Things like the difficulty of living away from family and how hard it is to sift through everything you own and narrow it down to 4 boxes have overwhelmed my mind and my actions.

However, God knows what we need to help us keep perspective- even it if seems to come in unexpected ways. The other day, I was battling with these thoughts of how difficult it will be to move back to Africa and interrupting my thoughts, I heard loud as day the line, “WHY SO SERIOUS?!” in the Joker’s (from Batman) voice.

I almost laughed out loud. This was God’s subtle (or not so subtle) was of helping me come back to reality. You see, I allowed my fears to trump my calling and the promises God has given me about Africa. I allowed my thoughts to be consumed by the things that will be difficult about leaving America and moving to a developing country rather than holding onto the calling God has given Will and I and the realization that God is good and in control of all things.

So today I am thinking about the Joker. I am intentionally interrupting my negative thought patterns with the realization that I do no have to be so serious. There are many, many things to be excited about and joyful in about life in Mundri and back in the mission field.

“And surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age” Matthew 28:20

God is with me now, just as He will be with me in South Sudan. Yes, it will be painfully difficult to leave family and not watch out nieces and nephews grow up before our eyes. Yes, packing stinks. I am exhausted by it. However, God is with me in the midst of all of it. He will be with me on the days that it is painful to see pictures of family because I so badly want to be at the party with them. He will be with me tomorrow as we continue to pack up our house and narrow down everything we own. There is good in these painful things because they are part of what God is calling us to. They are part of being missionaries and following God’s calling for us. We can call them good because God will be in these moments and will help us through. No, that will not make them easy, but it gives them purpose. I want to walk fully in what God is calling us to, and that means facing the hard parts head-on- realizing that He is with me every step of the way.

Thank you, Lord, for reminded me of your truth by using silly movie lines. Thank you for helping me keep perspective and be reminded of your promises for me. Help me to run to you with my fears and be consumed with joy by from goodness. 

Treating Soil

I (Will) just got back from a week long training in Florida at ECHO (www.echonet.org).  ECHO’s exists as a resource for development workers in the field of agriculture as a resource for training and information. I learned all the basics about tropical agriculture development.

One of the main topics we focused on was soil health. As a person who hasn’t ever worked in agriculture I was a bit surprised at how much of our time was spent on that topic. However, as they explained the importance of the soil it became evident it is where most of our attention should be.

The soil contains most of the items needed for the life and health of the plant. The health of the soil directly impacts the health of the fruit produced. If you see issues in the fruit you know something has gone wrong in the soil and to fix the fruit, you must address the soil.

As I learned all this and more, I couldn’t help but see the correlation between this and what God does in us.

God’s main concern is with my heart, not the fruit of my life. That isn’t to say He doesn’t care about what I do but His focus isn’t on actions, it’s on my heart. Just like if there is healthy soil the fruit will be healthy (generally) God knows if my heart is set on Him and believing truth, the fruit of my life will be healthy as well.

So, as I pay more attention to what is going on in my heart (the soil) the result will be more God honoring actions (the fruit).

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”   1 Samuel 16:7

The End Goal

We have been asked a lot lately what we will be doing in South Sudan. Our responses are practically on autopilot at this point.

"I will be training teachers, Will is going to be doing community development through agriculture and possibly teaching at the local seminary." 

That's the truth. That is what we will be doing on a regular basis. However, this is the vehicle, not the final destination. 

The end goal of why we are going is to build relationships with people in Mundri so that, through the unending love of Christ, lives can be changed and hearts can be mended. 

Yes, we are grateful that we have skills that God has equipped us with to be able to share with the people in Mundri, but God is the one who will do anything of lasting value. We will teach, do agriculture, etc. and we will do these things to the best of our ability and work very hard at those things. However, if these things are where all of our efforts go, we are missing the point. The point is that God has the power to transform lives. God has the power to bring healing to hearts that have been in the midst of war for well over 20 years. He has the strength to breathe renewed hope and peace into hurting and broken hearts. We go and teach, do agriculture, etc. so that God can use the relationships we form through these activities to further His kingdom. We want the people we will be working with to learn what we are teaching and grow in knowledge and skills, but more than that, we want them to know that God loves them and that they are desired by the King.

One of my students from Nigeria,
Happy, with a Bible that she was
giddy over receiving.

Some of my favorite moments in Nigeria came when we could start to see fruit of the heart change in the people we were working with and when we could see their love for the Lord grow. Yes, I loved hearing my students' English improve and math skills increase, but more than that, it brings me so much more joy to see them praying out loud and worshipping God with song and dance.

Our hope for ministry in South Sudan is that we can use our giftings well and bring change through our skills, but more than that, we hope that the relationships we are able to build through our "jobs" will lead to Christ transforming lives and the South Sudenese people having a greater understanding of His love for them. 

Rest

"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116:5-7

In this season of Easter, the concept of rest has continued to come up for me. Life is busy right now. Between teaching full time, raising support, and traveling to see family/ support raise each month, somedays I'm not sure which way is up. In the midst of this, God has been reminding me of the importance of rest. The importance of taking time to focus on what He is doing in the midst of my busy movements. 

Lately I have wondered what rest even looks like. What does it mean to take time to rest when it doesn't seem like the demands of the day allow for such a luxury. Webster defines rest as, "to cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength". 

To recover strength, YES, I need that. 

I am finding that recovering strength in the true sense of the word "strength" comes from the Lord speaking truth to my fears and reminding me of His power. I am also finding that in order to do this, in order to truly hear God in these fearful areas, it takes me being still. It requires me to take time to be quiet and not be afraid of going to those fearful spaces, in order for God to redeem them and replace them with His truth. 

In our culture and world right now, being still is foreign. We pride ourselves on being busy. I am starting to think this is because business and productivity is our way of escaping being quiet. It's our (culture's) way of not having to deal with how we are really feeling and what we are really afraid of, because that's too scary. We would rather fill our waking hours to the brim so we can sleep (too little) and then wake up to do it all over again- all-the-while avoiding what is really going on inside. 

It is easy for me to think rest is something I will do once we get to the slower pace of life in South Sudan, once the support raising is finished and I have completed this year of teaching. However, I think I would be missing the heart of rest. I don't think rest is just for certain seasons of our life. I think to truly live fully and experience life well, we need to rest even in the busy seasons. Even if it just means taking ten minutes to be still. 

I pray that in the midst of this Easter weekend, you will find time to rest. I pray God will start speaking to the scary areas of your life that are difficult for you to go to alone. I pray you will find rest and peace in those places as He walks you through those areas. 

Praise the Lord, my soul;
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
² Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
³ who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
⁵ who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

                                ~Psalm 103:1-5