We have continued to be surrounded by tragedy this week. It's constant and I am completely helpless in being able to do anything to make the situations better for those I love around me.
When people you care for are hurting, all you want to do is bring comfort and peace in a way that makes the pain go away and the tears stop. However, that is usually not possible in the midst of true tragedies and deep pain. Therefore, all we are able to do is be present (in most of my current situations, from a distance) and pray fervently.
But some days that doesn't feel like enough.
I want to see change and I want to see it now.
For our Bishop who's son was most likely murdered but they haven't been able to identify the body, I want to see resolution. I want the pain to be erased and the family to be whole again. I want them to have reason to rejoice and be glad as a family of five again rather than having to sit in so much continued unknowns, pain and suffering.
For my friends who are continuing to struggle with infertility, lost pregnancies and unmet desires to be parents, I want their stories to have happy ending. I want to see them hold happy, healthy babies in their arms and to know that the long seasons of waiting was worth it. I want the sadness and pain to go away and for rejoicing to come.
For the many South Sudanese who are being forced to live far away from their families due to continued instability, I want there to be an end in sight. I'm tired of watching families being torn apart and have to suffer with very little due to the tragedy of war. I want there to be affordable food in the markets again and opportunities for children to return to school consistently. I want their fears to be washed away and healing to meet them in the painful places of their hearts.
And in the many other unmet desires and tragedies happening all over, my heart cries, "How long, Oh Lord?".
In it all, my heart feels tired. Sometimes I wish I didn't "feel" things as much as I do because my compassion often leaves me restless and exhausted. It's wearing to endure the sufferings of those around us.
But in it all, there is HOPE. This is only because we serve a good God. A God who meets us in the pain and unmet desires. A God who knows the heartache and speaks to us in that place. The One who offers us rest in His presence.
Psalm 62:1-2 says, "My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress; I will never be shaken."
The beauty of this truth is that nothing that is going on around me can shake me or separate me from the hope that God offers. Nothing is strong enough to push me over completely. Nothing can steal my rest when I press into the fullness of what God offers.
Even as I write these words, I am praying for God to actually make this true for me. I feel shaken this week and very tired. However, I am reminded that being brought to my knees is not the same as being conquered completely. All of the things going on around me have brought me to a place of desperation for God to show up and bring resolutions, but that doesn't mean my faith is shattered. On the contrary, my faith is strengthened when I allow myself to fully engage in the pain, while still holding onto the truth that God is powerful enough to come through. It might not be in the way I would hope for or predict, but when He does come through, there is reason for much rejoicing.
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