Exposed

This is a “Part Two” of my blog post from October 29. If you did not get a chance to read that entry, you can read it here.

God has continued to have me on a “stripping away” process. Shawn gave a short message at our Sunday night prayer time and it brought more clarity as to why this process has been so difficult to me. He discussed how when we are stripped away of our outer layers, we are exposed. There’s no longer a disguise covering us. We’re out for everyone to see.

I was under the impression that this process has been painful because I have nothing to run to. No escapes here. As I mentioned in the “Stripping Away” post, all of my comforts are gone. However, now I see that the reason it pains me so much is because I can no longer hide behind anything. When my escapes are taken away, I have to deal with my true self. And you know what? I don’t always like my true self. I don’t always like facing the judgmental thoughts I can have towards others or how impatient I can be outwardly and in my heart. I would rather not have to face the root of why I try so hard to put on a good face or need to always try so hard to “not offend” or create conflict. I would rather cling to things that are comfortable than have to come face to face with these sins or my emotions and pain. When my escapes are gone, there is a grater chance of others seeing the real me. And that is scary.

So here I am, with nothing to do but deal, face-to-face, with myself. I have to face the things about myself that I would rather have kept hidden from everyone. It’s like ripping the Band-Aid off a wound. Sometimes, I would rather just leave the bandage on so that no one has to see the gross wound. However, the wound can’t heal fully if the bandage is always kept on. It needs to be exposed. It needs to be brought to the surface to that the healing process can truly continue.

But here is the good news.

Since I have Christ in me, I not longer have to look at myself without looking to Christ! Psalm 34:5 says, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Because Jesus died for my sins, my face is never covered with shame- even when I face my sins. I can face my exposed self, and repent of my sins without shame and with the confidence in knowing that I am forgiven.  Praise Jesus!

I don’t want to undermine the difficulty of the process. Just because I know that God has forgiven my sins, doesn’t mean that I don’t still have to face them and work through them. However, it leaves me with hope. Hope that this process is worth it. Hope that even if I don’t figure things out perfectly, I am still a forgiven child of God and He loves me just as I am. It also leaves me with hope that He is in this process with me. He will help me work through the thing that come up when I am exposed and can no longer hide. He is with me in this process and for that, I am very grateful.